It means working hard for six months
at minimum wage
only for your contract to end
and you’ll then be left to fend off the pangs of poverty.

It means going to school every single day
to learn that grades are what truly matter
and that the best paying jobs
hardly hire you for good character.

It means having to stop college
because your father is sick
and no one’s putting food on the table.
Ah well. So much for being a doctor.
There’s a call center agency down the street though…

It means squeezing into what used to be an army jeep
and to what is now an economic threat
extended for mass transport
with ten people cramming spaces
all to get somewhere with their lives.

It means going to mass every Sunday
and memorizing prayers and festivals
in hopes that the Almighty would see your faith
and alleviate you from your third-world pains.

It means having to walk with the jingle-jangle of coins
in your pocket.

It means seeing movies before they even show.
And if you don’t know what that means
get out of this country.

It means texting people to keep in touch with them
but only if you’re in the same network
and greeting everyone on your contacts list
“Good night!”
Just because you’re on unlimited.

It means living life to the fullest
in the streets
eating fishballs, riding trikes, window shopping, sitting at the fountains.

It means walking to the provincial health center
4 kilometers away
carrying your ailing brother who’s dying from typhoid fever.

It means driving under the most formidable force of nature;
Filipino drivers.
Enough Said.

It means going to the only drug store
in the world
that sells potato chips, diapers, deodorants and perfumes.

It means having to settle for second best
buying fake goods from Divisoria, repeating the adage
that “It’ll look orig when I use it”.

It means complaining about the rising prices of commodities
about how the government’s imprudence and poverty
but buying a new cellphone every month.

It means lounging around the sari-sari store
all day
drinking beer
topless
belly exposed.
Never thinking that if you spent that time working
you could buy two beers instead of one.

It means watching what passes off as news,
when all you see is nothing but gossip;
murders, rapes, that OFW who gets kidnapped,
while the real things that are changing the way you live
are hidden under the guile of politics.

It means being multilingual
where some languages have slang
you get languages within a language;
tadbaliks, bisaya, gay lingo.

It means giving a damn about what’s happening
today
but never working to do what we can to fix
our children’s tomorrow.

It means standing up
stopping whatever your doing
putting your right hand over your chest
and singing the national anthem.
Unless you’re a ditz, that is.

It means marching into the streets
whose names resonate with freedom;
Mendiola, Don Chino Roces, EDSA
placard and megaphone in hand.

It means looking back at the television
that you promised to ignore
when you hear the magic words;
Marcos, EDSA, People Power, Sexy, Raid, Shabu, Men’s Magazine, Patay, Gahasa, Rally.

It means going to rallies
rallies that blur the distinction
between revolutions
and street parties.

It means falling in love
in the most beautiful and dangerous way
a painting so beautiful no Renaissance artist
could ever hope to capture in canvas.

It means taking care of your old parents
no matter what
when most people would leave theirs in senior homes.

It means loving your country
the way a mother loves her drug-addicted son
never giving up hope that one day
rehab may actually work.

…if I could change the way of the world, I’d be your girl…

Nuff said.

There are two things about love that are swimming in my head for the past few days. One: PSEUDO RELATIONSHIPS. And two: ONE-WAY/UNREQUITED LOVE.

Pseudo relationships. In other words, mutual understanding. The “kayo pero hindi talagang kayo” stage. Testing the waters. Bullsh*t relationship. Paasa. Full of uncertainty.

Why do we let ourselves be in such a relationship, when we are very much aware that we couldn’t get much from it? We couldn’t expect much from the other person because in the most common sense, even if it is a relationship, it is not the kind where we are obliged to do things because it is a serious commitment. And besides, if both of you are serious about it, then you should be JUST in pseudo relationship.

The bottomline is, it sucks being in one. And even if it feels good having someone even just for some time, NOT having them all the time hurts.

Save yourself from a terrible heartache. Don’t be in a pseudo relationship, or be in a serious one instead.

***

Sabi nila, hindi na daw uso ang martir. Dahil ang martir, binabaril sa Bagumbayan. Hahaha. But still, there are people who choose to love someone in silence, without mention, and secretly weep. People who continue to love someone even if they are very much aware of the fact that they are nothing but a friend to their object of affection. They continually do things for that person even if it means nothing to them.

Martyrdom at its finest. Haha. Wow, title ‘to nung isang blog entry ko ah? Oh well.

They say that love is like a street. And streets have ONE WAY SIGNS… which some people ignore and continue taking the next street. But in the end, a traffic enforcer will see you and probably get their license.

The difference is, in love, we cannot bargain the “traffic enforcer” to give your “license” back. It’s just like this, it’s either you’re stupid or matigas lang ang ulo mo. So you couldn’t force the object of your affection to love you back because hey, you knew it was one way and still, you tried to pursue it.

But some say that “it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.”, and I kinda agree to it. Experience is the best teacher, and having been “stupid” some time in your life would leave a mark on you… so probably (and hopefully), you wouldn’t do it again.

Oops, another thought popped out. In love, are there really stupid people? Or they JUST choose to be stupid, blind, deaf, and mute? Or are they just misled by ruthless heartbreakers (nyahaha)? I dunno. Haha. I am somewhere in between those three. WAAAAH!

My stand here is…. I dunno. Haha. Masochism. In my experience, it didn’t do me any good. It ain’t fun wholeheartedly loving someone who sees you only as a friend… no more, no less. Yung tipong you’d settle for being the good friend kasi maybe, just maybe, ma-fall siya sa’yo, or if not, maambunan ka even of the littlest affection from him. I still believe that we should live our lives to the fullest and love to whoever makes our heart beat, but don’t let it kill you. You aren’t living life to the fullest with that. And besides, if the person you love isn’t misleading you, or pinapaasa in any way, then you didn’t really lose. Just don’t give your everything.

Oh I wish I could say these things to myself. Haha.

*playing in the background: Paula DeAnda’s Overloved*

^ parang nakakaasar ah. Haha. Buyset!

*****

Blame the song in the background, bigla tuloy akong nalungkot. Don’t ask why. Haha. Read the entry, search for the lyrics of the song, and you’ll know! BADTRIPPPPP! Hahaha.

Anong yr/course mo?
• 4th year baby! haha. Computer Science.

Lagi ka bang nalelate?
• Rarely. Hindi ko sakit ang late. *parinig*

Complete uniform ka ba lagi?
• Oo naman! Haha. Kahit nga nasa bahay na ko minsan, naka-ID pa din ako. :]]

Sumusunod ka ba lagi sa mga school rules??
• Not all the time. WAHAHA.

Kumakanta ka ba ng Pambansang Awit at School Hymn?
• Rarely. Haha. Nung elem at HS, oo. Superrr.

Active ka ba sa klase?
• Active… sa kaingayan.

Mababa ba ang IQ mo o mataas?
• Siguro, above average. Wahaha. Pero may pagka-slow ako. Hihi

Nakikipagdaldalan ka ba habang naglelesson ang teacher?
• Ay oo. Favorite hobby.

Hinaharass mo ba ang mga teacher niyo?
• Hmm, medyo? Hindi naman sexual harassment. Haha. At depende sa guro!

Napa office kna ba?
•Hindi pa, hindi pa! Nye nye nyeee! HAHAHA!

Napahiya ka na ba sa klase?
• madaming madaming beses na! haha. kapalmuks na nga ako because of that eh.

Gumagawa ka ba ng assignments o copy lang?
• Most of the time… copy. Honest!

Kumakain ka ba tuwing break?
•kahit hinde, kumakain ako. haha.

Nangutang ka na ba sa kaklase mo?
• oo naman! haha. lalo na kung mahigpit ang pangangailangan! wahaha!

Natutulog ka ba sa klase?
• Inaantok lang. Tulog, di pa naman ata.

Pumapasok ka ba sa ibang room?
• Minsan.

Gusto mo ba ang mga patakaran ninyo sanyong eskwelahan??
• Hindi lahat. Or hindi talaga! HAHAHA!

Nagtetext ka ba habang nagkaklase kayo?
• OO!

Ano ang pinakamahirap na subject/s?
• Hmm… Automata. LECHE. Saka yung Data Structures. Punyetssss.

Natawag mo na bang “sir” ang ma’am nyo, at “ma’am” ang sir niyo?
• Di pa naman ata. Haha.

Ano ang pangalan ng eskuwelahan mo ngaun college?
• Cavite State University Don Severino delas Alas Campus.

Naaksidente ka na ba sa school?
• Mild accidents. HAHAHA!

Ano ang laging kinakain mong pagkain sa canteen?
• Wala naman kaming “canteen” talaga, hmm.. So ipagpalagay nang sa Batibot. Hotdog sandwich at iced tea. Pag taghirap, iced tea at biskwit. WAHAHA.

In general, love mo coLLege?
• College life is fun. Haha. Sige sige, I love it! HAHA.